The internet claims that Carl Jung held the opinion that, "Thinking is hard; that's why most people judge!" I have also come to believe that thinking is so hard that we would rather listen to random podcasts than hear our own thoughts.
This year, I am committed to transitioning from a passive consumer of ideas to an active producer, grounded in my own experiences. On paper, the transition has been smooth, but in reality, before I can get anyone else to listen to my thoughts, I have to learn to listen to myself.
The problem is that if I have a free moment, I strive to fill it with some form of activity. A run in the morning—high-tempo music. A workout in the gym—a saved fitness podcast. Metro rides—an audiobook someone recommended. A two-hour flight—a book on my Kindle.
On the face of it, this looks like diligent learning. In truth, I am scared of what I might hear. More than a decade ago, during a ten-day Vipassana retreat, I learned how essential it is to confront our thoughts.
With hours of daily meditation and without recourse to communication in any form (except for clearing doubts with the facilitators present), I was forced to confront the very thoughts I had been pushing away. For the first couple of days, my mind stayed on the surface. But somewhere around the third day, everything that I had bottled up came bubbling to the surface. I had nowhere to escape, so I finally listened.
It was scary at first. There were clearly reasons why I had buried these thoughts in the depths of my consciousness. The painful, the joyful, and the hopeful—no thoughts were off limits. By the end of it all, I felt so liberated.
My success was short-lived. Back in daily life, I returned to familiar comforts and buried the thoughts I didn’t want to face. I am now paying the price.
In fact, I feel worse off. My default mode is to fill every quiet moment with reading or listening to something. I am scared to hear myself out. As long as this behaviour continues, I won’t be able to tap into what resides in me.
Becoming a producer will require me to listen to myself. All I need to do is keep my earphones away.