Bad etiquette annoys me — especially when subtle hints and direct requests are ignored. For the longest time, I just sucked it up, but it always left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Over time, I have developed two simple hacks—one personal and one professional—that not only help me make my point without escalating into direct confrontation but also, hopefully, leave the other person with something to think about.
As a certified introvert, I prefer one-on-one conversations, even if I am attending a large party. Unfortunately, checking one's mobile phone, usually unconsciously, has become the new normal. Most people do not even realize how disrespectful their actions are to the person speaking to them. I am unfazed if a stranger or a mere acquaintance displays such behaviour. I get worked up when close friends do this, especially when we both have carved out time from our busy lives to catch up.
In the case of a close friend, I let my body language express my displeasure the moment they pick up their mobile phone for the second time mid-conversation. The fourth time they pick up their phones, I let them know that if they are busy, I would be happy to meet some other time. Usually, this remark has the intended effect. But every now and then, I end up with a friend who is too far gone. The fifth time, they check their mobile; I just take out my Kindle and start reading. From the corner of my eye, I can see the surprised look on their face when they are done with their mobiles and realize I am on my Kindle. They usually wait for a minute before making some comment to get my attention. I calmly let them know that I’ll be done with the chapter in however many minutes the Kindle says it will take. They are usually in disbelief!
I wait for another minute before suggesting a truce: I am happy to keep my Kindle away if they are willing to keep their mobile away (unless it is an emergency call). This little performance usually does the trick. In the last couple of years, there has been just one case where my (now ex) friend did not get it.
Bad mobile manners show their ugly face in my professional life too. Usually not in meetings but through the many people I share my coworking space with. I can't put my finger on it, but most people think it is absolutely normal to have a loud ringtone for calls and messages and watch content at high volume. I don't have a problem with how loud they like it as long as they are wearing headphones, which almost all are not.
Just like my personal life, I first let my body language express my displeasure. Then I make an explicit request to use headphones while reminding them that there are many others who are trying to do their work.
If that does not work, I follow their lead, and the moment they start playing something loud, I also play ambient Café sounds loud enough on my laptop to drown out the sound from their devices. It usually takes the average co-worker two such encounters with imaginary café noise to get the message. Every now and then, a person with close to zero self-awareness will come and request me to reduce the volume. I quickly apologise and reduce the volume immediately. As relief descends on their faces, I share my own request — I’ll keep the volume low, or better still, use my headphones, if they agree to do the same. I add with a bright smile that if they don't intend to comply, I will be forced to raise the volume to drown out the noise they are making. This really works. Given the success rate, I suspect it’s the smile.
In both cases, my goal is not retaliation — it’s awareness and respect. When politeness fails, mirroring behaviour is sometimes the only language people notice.