I used to think owning my time was the ultimate freedom — until I realized it might also be a trap.
Early in my career, I was borderline obsessed with figuring out why most people prefer to binge drink over the weekend instead of enjoying a good drink in the middle of a workday. These were some of the questions I would end up discussing with my friends and colleagues — both peers and bosses — over a drink, of course.
For the record, this was not a case of graduating from college as a full-blown alcoholic only to discover that professional life did not allow for drinking on a whim. On the contrary, this is just another example of me trying to get to the bottom of why things are the way they are. People often equate such curiosity, in my opinion, to some virtuous ability to question the status quo. Even with the benefit of hindsight, this was me just being curious. I’m perfectly happy with the status quo — as long as it exists for a reason I understand and that makes complete sense to me.
Graduating from college meant that I had moved from receiving an allowance to earning a salary. I was finally able to begin experimenting with alcohol, but the culture of weekend binge drinking among working professionals was not something I enjoyed. I longed for the day I could grab a few refreshing cocktails on a hot afternoon and continue to work. I imagined the alcohol elevating my thinking rather than distracting me from the work at hand.
Looking back, these little fantasies around alcohol were nothing more than me wanting to rebel against the structure of life that was being imposed on me. Working in corporate India meant that I had to adhere to certain structures meant to maintain uniformity and enforce conformity, often at the cost of individual expression, even if it led to greater productivity. Or at least, that is what I thought. I came to the conclusion that as long as I was living on some imposed schedule, I couldn't do things my way.
Eventually, I made a career shift — quitting tech to join the social sector — and moved across companies and continents. I worked hard to reach a place where I was judged by my outputs, not the hours I clocked in. There was occasional friction, but thanks to results, I usually got my way.
Years later, as I reflected on the freedom I’d worked so hard to earn, I found myself wondering if I’d lost more than I’d gained. I felt a sense of unease, but I struggled to articulate the costs — what exactly had I lost out on?
I found the answer in the wonderful book, 4000 Weeks by Oliver Burkman. I had heard about the book from multiple sources, but I chalked it up to yet another self-help book. Instead of buying and reading it, it languished on my Amazon wish list for quite a while. Last year, a good friend from school mentioned how he was reading some book on the second half of life, and I was reminded of 4000 Weeks (the average number of weeks we have in our lives.) I finally bought the book.
The book is not a light read — it's filled with insights that are often counter-intuitive. I often had to stop reading to ponder what I had read.
The author also talks about countries where everyone goes on vacation at the same time — like France and Spain — tend to be happier. More than the obvious benefits of a holiday, he highlights how stress is reduced when everyone is on leave together. If you are on holiday while the rest of your team is not, there is the nagging feeling of being left out, the stress of not being able to contribute, or the burden of leaving the work to your colleagues while you relax (not really!)
I live in Delhi. My parents live in Kerala. My sister and her family are based in the US. My wife's family is in Spain. We all want to meet regularly, but coordinating is a nightmare. For now, our children are small, and taking days off from play school is not an issue. In another year, summer vacation dates will also be different among the cousins. My wife and I have both had the experience of spending summer vacations with cousins, aunts, and uncles. We want our children to have that experience, but our life choices are making it harder. Chasing a career that takes you to locations far away might be lucrative professionally, but is that toll you pay by staying away from your family worth it? Each of us will have to figure this out for ourselves.
Since I started my own venture, it has been difficult to have any separation between weekday and weekend. There is always work to do. But it also comes with the flexibility of taking off anytime since I often work through holidays too. I still enjoy a good drink, but for most of the year, I am off alcohol. I rarely drink these days. As I grow older, I find that alcohol messes up my sleep badly. And with two little children, I prefer to be at my best. I do look forward to relaxing with a drink while on vacation with the family.
Of course, for that to happen, we’ll all need to figure out a vacation first. For now, I just hope we can find a shared schedule — not just for a drink, but for life itself.