A good friend, Faiz, is visiting from the US. He got in touch more than a week ago about his trip. He wanted to check if I was around and free to meet.
I am a big fan of Faiz. We met in the US in 2009 when we worked for the same US based non-profit org. I was a Fellow, and he was a hotshot lawyer who was on a break to figure out how his skills could be used for social good. He is brilliant, and yet remarkably grounded. He had a wonderful outlook on life and was at once warm and welcoming. Hanging out with him was always fun. We have stayed in touch, and whenever I was in the US, I would try to visit him or he would come down to NYC.
As always, I was excited to hear from him. This time around I was even more excited because there was the possibility for Faiz to finally meet my wife and kids. I told him my schedule was flexible and that I would make myself available, given he had other family and friends to see.
As any good person, he checked with me multiple times if he was inconveniencing me or my family in any way by planning to meet. He asked for what time worked best for us and said that he would change things around at his end to make it work. This was classic Faiz – thoughtful and accommodating.
I was reminded of the last time he was in India. Faiz had come down with his family for a wedding. Unfortunately, we had only a couple of hours of overlap as I was traveling when he was around. I was literally arriving in Delhi a couple of hours before he was set to head back to the US. I told him I’d head straight to meet him as soon as I landed, if he was up for it. In spite of a 6 am departure to the airport, he stayed awake while his family slept, received me past midnight, and spent an hour catching up.
We were going back and forth, when I finally told Faiz that he was the one who was traveling 1000s of miles, who had barely a day to meet multiple folks, and it was a Sunday for crying out loud. I told him to plan his day as it worked for him, and that my family and I would gladly meet at his convenience.
I was struck by a simple thought: what are friendships if not voluntary inconveniences?
Friends are chosen family. The joy they bring makes the effort feel small — even welcome. The late-night airport run. The reshuffled Sunday. The extra hour carved out of a packed trip. None of it feels like sacrifice. It feels like the right thing to do — because of who you get to share it with.
Faiz made it around noon on Sunday and stayed for lunch. It was a grand afternoon. This time, my entire family got to experience Faiz’s down-to-earth nature and magnanimity. We even found out — almost by accident — that he was part of a state visit with the Governor of Delaware. In spite of being jet lagged, he managed to play and teach our older son chess, and share his experience and perspective on the US right now.
After last Sunday, apart from me, even my older son is really looking forward to Faiz visiting again. And just like that, another generation has signed up for the inconvenience.
Faiz teaching my son chess moves as he plots his own loss!