Surprisingly, those four words are my magic escape from non-essential intellectual arguments.
As someone who is curious, I've grown comfortable with my ignorance on a variety of topics. Even in areas that interest me, I'm most excited by what I don't know.
A couple of years ago, I came across a Farnam Street blogpost on the hard work required to have an opinion. The post carried a quote by Charlie Munger:
I never allow myself to have an opinion on anything that I don’t know the other side’s argument better than they do.
The quote stuck with me. It deepened my resolve to work harder to understand contentious issues from all sides before opening my mouth to share an opinion.
I enjoy learning through conversations. I especially look forward to conversing with people who think differently than me — these are just another opportunity to learn and expand my thinking. In such situations, I am not afraid to speak up — nor do I shy away from playing the contrarian.
But often, what starts as healthy discussions quickly turn into arguments with the purpose of establishing who is right rather than piecing together what is right.
I'll admit that my pride too got in the way, especially when I felt I was more well-read or experienced on the topic. This often led to challenging confrontations, leaving me completely drained — and with nothing to show for it.
Then I learned the magic trick — simply saying those four words. As soon as it is obvious that people in the discussion are only interested in who is right, I give them exactly what they want. I say, "You might be right!" and move on.
Just the other day, someone was convincing me of the strong connection between playing sports and learning 21st century skills. I heard a substantial amount of anecdotal evidence, and when I asked to see any conclusive research, I was pointed to how much funding is out there for such programs. I said, "You might be right!" and moved on.
Credit again goes to Farnam Street blog for introducing me to these magic words. It's a small shift — but one that's made me a calmer person, and left me with more energy for the hard work needed to truly have an opinion!